When I Got a Bad Reference for Medical School

And Samuel said, “Why then do you ask me, since the LORD has turned from you and become your enemy?” 1 Samuel 28:16

I transferred colleges between my Sophomore and Junior years and so, when it came time to ask college professors for references for my medical school application, I didn’t know any of them very well. Additionally, I just wasn’t that great of a student – spending a lot of time talking and screwing around in class. So, it wasn’t completely surprising to me that one of my professors seemed hesitant when I asked him for a reference. He said yes though and so, I assumed I’d get a good recommendation. Later, I found this out not to be the case at all. In fact, his letter apparently outlined my inattentive behavior in class, hurting my application. I was shocked, not because I didn’t deserve that reference, but because I just assumed that professor would try to help me get into medical school. I thought you were on my side! I can see now that I was being presumptive and that I’d not given him any reason to see us as being on the same side.

I’ve done something similar with God. I’ve always believed in God, imagining that I was always on his side because of that belief. In my addiction then, when consequences began to rain down, I turned to God to get me out of trouble, assuming that he also wanted to get me out of trouble. In retrospect now though, I can see that I’d refused to listen to God for years as he had told me to get help, confess, and go to treatment. For years, I’d been disobedient. Repeatedly doing that which was antithetical to being on God’s side put me in a place of opposition to him, which was a terrible realization. I thought you were on my side! God hadn’t moved though. I had. I’d chosen opposition to God, and it was going to hurt.

King Saul found himself in this place in today’s passage. With the Philistines preparing to attack, Saul desperately turned to God, finding him silent. So, Saul went to a medium who contacted Samuel from beyond the grave. Samuel painfully outlined Saul’s predicament – You have chosen enmity with God. He’s not on your side anymore. You’re in trouble (my paraphrase).

I think a lot of us have misunderstood God’s grace. Imagining that we can do whatever we want and still enjoy God’s forgiveness, we’ve repeatedly abused his grace, engaging in ungodly behavior for years, simply assuming that God is still on our side. If we repeatedly choose opposition to God though, never repenting, then we’ve got to consider the possibility that we’ve moved from God’s side. And that is a terrifying place to be.