I’ll Do Anything to Change

Saul answered, “I am in great distress, for the Philistines are warring against me, and God has turned away from me and answers me no more, either by prophets or by dreams. Therefore I have summoned you to tell me what I shall do.” 1 Samuel 28:15

In one terrifying moment, back when I realized my drug use had been discovered and that life as I knew it was over, my brain finally got to that place where I would have done anything to stop my toxic behavior. I could finally see clearly what I should have done years before. I had a thousand chances to stop using drugs, to get help, and to change my life. I’d refused a thousand times though, and so, the opportunity to change went away. In that moment of dread and desperation, I’d have given anything to be able to go back in time to make different choices. It was too late though. The time for doing whatever it takes had come and gone. I was going to suffer the consequences for my refusal to change, and it was going to hurt.

King Saul endured a similar experience in today’s passage. In the story, as the Philistines prepared to attack Israel, and as Saul felt the end of his kingdom drawing near, he desperately sought God’s will. God wasn’t listening though and his prophet Samuel, was dead. In despair, Saul went to a witch, asking her to call up Samuel from the dead to tell him God’s will one last time. Tell me what I shall do. At that point, with his monarchy and his life threatened, Saul finally got to that place where he’d do whatever God asked . . . no matter what. Unfortunately for Saul, the time to follow God had come and gone. It was too late. Saul was going to suffer the consequences, and it was going to hurt.

What’s the lesson? The lesson is that if I’m struggling with any self-destructive behavior, the time for doing something about it is now. In my addiction, I kept telling myself I’d change tomorrow. Eventually though, I ran out of tomorrows. Only then did I finally get desperate enough to do whatever it took to get sober, but it was too late. I was going to suffer. So, in recovery, if I’m struggling with something but consequences haven’t arrived yet, the time to get desperate is right now, because eventually, my time will run out.