What Do I Need to Change?

Therefore David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I go and attack these Philistines?” 1 Samuel 23:2

Often, while talking with those very early in recovery, usually after some terrible consequences convinced them to stop using drugs for a few days, I’ll hear something like this – I’m never going to use again. I think that’s great, and I commend them on the decision, but then I’ll ask this – What are you going to change? What’s going to be different? To this, I’ll get that look that says, I just told you. I’m never going to use drugs again. The thing is, I know they’ve made this same decision a thousand times before and it’s never stuck because they’ve never actually changed anything. If nothing changes, nothing changes. So, I continue to hound them about change. What would it take to cut drugs out of your life? I want real, specific examples.

 When I do this, I’m echoing my own counselor from my time in treatment. When I first met her, I was done using drugs and I told her so. Wisely, she asked what I was going to do differently and, like my patients now, I repeated my vague plan. I’m never going to use drugs again. Annoyingly, she demanded to know what that was going to look like. I want specific examples of the things that you are going to do differently. She knew then what I now know – Recovery isn’t just a thought in my head. It’s daily doing whatever it takes to leave the old life for the new one.

My misunderstanding of recovery coincided with my misunderstanding of faith. I once understood that faith was simply a thought in my head. I believe in God. David’s behavior, in today’s passage however, illustrated what authentic faith looks like. In the story, David and his band of misfits learned that the Philistines were attacking the nearby town of Keilah. David believed in God, but he didn’t just pray for God to help those under seige. Rather, he went to God asking this – What do you want me to do? God told him to go and so, David went.

If David had followed my old concept of faith and recovery, he would have sat back, believed God could deliver Keilah, and prayed for him to do so, but he would have done nothing. That’s not faith though and it won’t lead me to recovery. When I’m struggling, I do need to decide that I want to change, but I can’t simply leave it at that. When struggling with anything, I must go to God, asking what he wants me to do. Then, I must do it. That’s authentic faith and recovery, and it’s something I must continue to practice it daily.