Childhood Fears vs. Adult Reality

Now it was told Saul that David had come to Keilah. And Saul said, “God has given him into my hand, for he has shut himself in by entering a town that has gates and bars.” And Saul summoned all the people to war, to go down to Keilah, to besiege David and his men. 1 Samuel 23:7-8

A while back, my daughter introduced me to the memory of those things that we worried about way too much as kids – like quicksand and piranhas – that turned out not to be that big of a threat. I’d not thought about it previously, but apparently there are a multitude of discussion forums dedicated to this topic on the internet. As children, we worried about thunder, monsters in the closet, razor blades hidden in Halloween apples, and the Bermuda Triangle. Growing up, we find that there are real life dangers. They just weren’t what we thought they were.

I can tell you that, as a kid, I spent zero time worrying about addiction. It turns out, however, that addiction represented a far greater threat to me than killer bees or sharks. Back then, I worried a lot about that which was external to me. The world is a scary place. Now though, I daily pray that God will protect me from myself. My worst life miseries have been self-inflicted.

This isn’t to suggest that terrible things don’t happen to people that are beyond their control, but again, those bad things often come from unexpected places. My wife, for instance, used to worry about something terrible happening to her parents every time they got a babysitter. What she didn’t worry about was marrying a man who became addicted to drugs. As it turns out, she had far more to fear from me – the person who was supposed to protect her the most – than from earthquakes or floods.

Our worst miseries are often self-inflicted or caused by those closest to us. This phenomenon is illustrated in today’s passage. In the story, David fled from King Saul to the city of Keilah. When Saul found out, he gathered his army, intending to besiege the city. To get to David, Saul was willing to kill his own people. The people in Keilah likely feared the Philistines, but up to that point, they probably hadn’t feared their own king – the one person who was supposed to protect them.

In my addiction, I hurt myself and my loved ones far more than any external force ever has. In recovery then, I must recognize that the greatest threat to me and my family comes, not from nuclear holocaust, but from within. If I desire to have healthy family, I must look inward, daily pointing my life at God, following him, making sure that I’m not the greatest threat that my loves ones must face.