Authentic Friends

Stay with me; do not be afraid, for he who seeks my life seeks your life. 1 Samuel 22:23

I’m not a natural extrovert. I love people, but in single doses. A big party, where I must make small talk with twenty or thirty people, wipes me out. At such an event, you’ll probably find me in the corner, talking with one other guy. Small talk to me feels so insincere, like I’m just filling the emptiness with mindless chatter. There’s no real connection in that. And I do like to connect with people, but just one at a time – having coffee with one guy, talking about things that truly matter. It’s there, in an intimate conversation, that we can share our common struggles, hopefully helping each other. That’s where real friends are made – in sharing life’s burdens and struggles.

An uncommon bond is forged through sharing the trials we have in common. That’s the lesson of today’s passage. In the story, King Saul executed those priests who had helped David flee from Saul’s jealous, murderous rage. One priest escaped though, running to tell David what happened. Now Saul wanted both dead. In their trial, they bonded – Stay with me; do not be afraid, for he who seeks my life seeks your life. Each of them on their own would have been easier targets for Saul. Together though, they were better, as they found comfort and strength in knowing they were not alone.

My addiction was profoundly isolating. I was the worst person in the world and no one else had failed as badly as I had. This wasn’t true, but it’s how I felt, and it made going to church quite uncomfortable. I needed God, but everyone in church was just so shiny, whereas I was so dirty. I craved community, but not with a crowd. So, I found my brothers in a jail Bible study and in a men’s accountability group. There, with just a few men, I could speak of my struggles and they could tell me theirs. In sharing our burdens, they became lighter as we helped each other manage the load.

I’ve been in the men’s Bible study where no one admits any struggle. We all knew we were being dishonest, but none of us were willing to admit failure or flaw. So, we didn’t grow individually, and we didn’t grow together. Now, in recovery, I won’t waste my time in such a place. God made us to live in community and he made us to share our burdens with one another. Brothers (and sisters) are forged in the struggle and when we’re honest about those struggles, we’ll find we are better together than we are alone.