Everyone’s Got a Story

He also walked in the ways of the house of Ahab, for his mother was his counselor in doing wickedly. He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, as the house of Ahab had done. For after the death of his father they were his counselors, to his undoing. 2 Chronicles 22:3-4

When I first meet with patients to discuss their drug use, I ask them to take me back to the beginning. Usually, the drug use began in their teenage years with friends. With some patients however, it started at home, using drugs with their parents. It was just something they grew up with, not realizing it was abnormal until it was too late. What chance did those kids have? What choice did they have? That little person who was exposed to chemicals, is destined to become a big person who struggles with chemicals. Frankly, it would be shocking if they didn’t struggle. It’s terribly unfair, but they’re destined for failure.

Though it didn’t necessarily involve drug use, this reminds me of King Ahaziah’s disastrous upbringing. Ahaziah was the son of King Jehoram, who was notorious for murdering his brothers when he came to power. Ahaziah’s father was also known for his idol worship and his incompetency. When Ahaziah was young, his father was defeated by the Philistines who carried off most of his family. Then, after his father died a gruesome death, Ahaziah was crowned at age 22. Without a father, he was surrounded and counseled by those who were known for their idol worship. What chance did Ahaziah have to follow God? He was surrounded and raised by those who were professionals at offending God. I genuinely feel bad for Ahaziah because it seems he never got a choice. Growing up knowing nothing but failure, he was destined for more of the same.

These stories – of those who were dealt terrible hands in life – always make me feel guilty. What’s my excuse? I didn’t grow up with drug-using parents. Rather, I grew up in a loving, God-fearing home. My parents exposed me to Bible stories, not drugs. When interviewed and asked about a history of drug addiction in my family, it starts with me.

What is my point? Other than inducing a little bit of self-loathing while making me feel thankful for my parents, Ahaziah’s story reminds me to be more patient with those who’re struggling. I’m often quick to judge those who fail repeatedly, but then, when I learn about their childhoods, I’m frequently horrified. Everyone’s got their own story, but I don’t know that story until I take time to ask and listen. So, the next time I see someone who seems to be terrible at life, instead of reaching for condescension, I should take time to get to know their back story. It’s not an excuse, but often, it helps me to be a little more understanding and a lot less judgmental.