Just Tell Me What I Want to Hear

And the messenger who went to summon Micaiah said to him, “Behold, the words of the prophets with one accord are favorable to the king. Let your word be like the word of one of them, and speak favorably.” 1 Kings 22:13

To be a good alcohol and drug counselor, I think you must possess the ability to confront. You don’t have to be confrontational in general, but you must at least be able to push back with patients who will take advantage of a passive personality. I once had a counselor who completely lost control of our group because she simply couldn’t be assertive. There was a particular client, who was supposed to be graduating from treatment, who just didn’t do his relapse prevention plan. This was a requirement for graduation, but this client just didn’t feel like doing it.

The rest of us waited uncomfortably for our counselor to chastise him, but instead, she congratulated him on his confidence – Well, it sounds like you’ve really put a lot of thought into this, and I think you’re going to do well. We all knew that wasn’t true. He hadn’t put any thought into it. And he wasn’t going to do well. He’d probably already relapsed. But that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He just wanted to hear that his time with that group was done and that he was free . . . at least until the drug life caught up with him again.

Often, it’s simply easier to tell someone what they want to hear. This is the lesson from today’s passage, in which the prophet Micaiah was called before King Ahab and King Jehoshaphat. The two kings were preparing to attack Syria and wanted to know if God was on their side. So, Ahab summoned his 400 prophets who unanimously agreed that God would provide victory. Wanting a second opinion, King Jehoshaphat insisted upon sending for Micaiah. When the messenger found Micaiah, he implored Micaiah to comply. For your own sake, just tell the king what he wants to hear (my paraphrase). To Micaiah’s credit, he refused. As the LORD lives, what the LORD says to me, that I will speak (1 Kings 22:14).

It’s often far easier to simply tell others what they want to hear. For some people, disagreement is natural, but for most of us, it’s just more comfortable to offer agreeable, encouraging platitudes. Platitudes, however, don’t keep anyone sober. Addiction is literally a matter of life and death, and so, I found that counselor’s passivity to be inexcusable. I know I’m not responsible for the behavior of the addicted. I am, however, responsible for my interaction with them. If I tell someone the road they’re on is fine, when it’s obviously not fine, then when they continue down that road, I’m at least partly responsible. So, just as I must daily seek honesty in my own life, I must seek to be continually honest with others . . . even when the truth is uncomfortable.