It’s All About Me

And Abner sent messengers to David on his behalf, saying, “To whom does the land belong? Make your covenant with me, and behold, my hand shall be with you to bring over all Israel to you.” 2 Samuel 3:12

I grew up believing in God. I can’t recall a time before I believed because I was taught about God as early as I was taught about anything in the world. Over the years, I had my questions about his existence like anyone, but I never really doubted God until, in my drug addiction, he failed to answer my prayers as I thought he should. Prior to that, I was certainly aware of terrible things happening in the world. I knew that God didn’t always answer people’s prayers, and I understood that those people were disappointed in God. None of that shook my faith though . . . until I didn’t get my way. When I asked God to miraculously remove my addiction and he didn’t, I began to doubt his power, his love, and even his existence.

Looking back, I now find it amusing that earthquakes, tsunamis, and wars didn’t shake my faith. When, however, God didn’t answer one little prayer as I thought he should, my faith was suddenly in crisis. Millions of people suffering and dying didn’t cause me to doubt. Rather, it was my own personal – and relatively small – disappointment that made me question God.

Completely self-centered, we’re often not moved by something until that something directly affects us. Then, suddenly that thing is a crisis that everyone should care about. This principal is illustrated in today’s passage, which tells of Abner, King Saul’s cousin. After Saul’s death, his son, Isho-bosheth was made king and Abner led his army. Abner apparently had a sexual relationship with one of Saul’s concubines, for which Ish-bosheth chastised him. It’s all a bit confusing, but basically, Abner served the new king Ish-bosheth until that new king offended him over a romantic relationship. Then, Abner switched sides, helping David in his quest for the throne. Abner’s entire life was dedicated to serving the house of Saul, but once that house offended him, he betrayed them, helping their enemy.

What’s the lesson for me? The lesson is that, even though I believed in God my entire life, my faith was still me-centered. When I didn’t get what I wanted, my faith was shaken. Now, in recovery, pursuing an authentic faith, my faith must be God-centered. It’s not all about me. The self-centered life is what led to my addiction in the first place. In recovery, I must daily ask not what Scott wants, but what does God want. An authentic faith follows God, even when I don’t get what I want.