Fighting About the Boat Lift

She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the guilt. Please let your servant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your servant.” 1 Samuel 25:24

A couple weeks ago, my wife and I were letting the boat down off the boat lift when it began to creak, pop, and groan, making it obvious that something was very wrong. During the malfunction, as we didn’t know what was happening, and as the protesting noises of the boat lift grew louder, our voices also grew louder. We spoke urgently to each other, with each of us interpreting the other’s urgency as anger. Why are you yelling at me?! – One of us yelled. I’m not yelling at you! You’re yelling at me! – The other yelled back.

Fortunately, we figured out the malfunction (it was my fault) and fixed it. Unfortunately, we were now mad at each other, ruining our intended boat ride. As we sat inside fuming, instead of going out in the boat, I didn’t want to reconcile. I wanted to be angry. How dare she speak to me like that! I knew I should apologize for my harsh tone, but as I indulged in my anger, I found that I didn’t want to let it go. She should apologize to me! I’m the victim here! Fortunately, we both quickly cooled down, realizing how absurd we were being, and made up. In that moment though, when my anger was kindled, I didn’t want peace. I just wanted to fight for my need to be right.

Blessed are the peacemakers. That’s the lesson of today’s passage. In the story, David sent messengers to a man named Nabal, asking for assistance. David had previously protected Nabal’s men and expected some courtesy in return. Nabal, however, spoke harshly to David’s messengers, disparaging them. When the messengers returned and relayed the insult to David, he prepared his men to go to war with Nabal. Fortunately, Abigail (Nabal’s wife) intervened, sending food and gifts to assuage David’s anger, defusing the situation. Abigail recognized the absurdity of the conflict, realized the catastrophic consequences, and humbled herself to make peace. The conflict wasn’t her fault, but still, to mitigate the approaching disaster, she took responsibility, humbled herself, and sought resolution.

In the anger of any stupid argument with my wife, I want what I perceive to be justice, which means that I must be declared right, and that she must apologize to me. What I should do, is follow Abigail’s example – take responsibility, humble myself, apologize, and seek resolution. My need to be right is not the path to a healthy marriage, and if I insist on being right, I’ll find myself sitting out in that boat . . . alone with my stupid ego.