Resentment or Inspiration?

Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. 1 Samuel 18:25

While struggling with addiction, I also struggled with being overweight and out of shape. As the drug consumed my life, my self-control in everything diminished and I was simply not motivated to exercise or eat right. When I saw someone who was in shape and who was doing well, I resented them for it. I should have been inspired, but I knew how hard it would be to change and so, I found it far easier to wallow in bitterness.

Now, in recovery, when I’m at the gym and someone lifts more than me, I’m inspired. I want to be stronger and so I watch what they’re doing, trying to emulate it. I can celebrate in their success, cheer them on, and learn from them. This may be something of a conscious choice, but I think it’s probably more of a natural response that reflects where I’m at in my faith and recovery. Back in my addiction, I was failing at everything and found myself naturally resentful of any success. Now, as I’m making healthier choices, it’s natural to celebrate others who’re doing the same.

The success of others often shines a spotlight on our failures. This is what happened in today’s passage. In the story, as David’s stature grew, King Saul spiraled into resentment. David was everything Saul was not. David followed God while Saul followed himself. David was successful, ascending to the throne as Saul failed at everything and was losing his kingdom. When Saul realized that his own daughter loved David, he insisted that the two marry but he demanded a bride-price – the death of 100 Philistines. Secretly, Saul hoped the Philistines would kill David. David’s success revealed Saul’s failures and Saul hated him for it.

What is my response today when I see someone who’s making healthy choices and reaping the benefits? Do I celebrate with them, cheer them on, and learn from them? Or do I resent them, hoping they fail? My response is a choice, but it’s also a barometer for where I’m at in my own life. When I’m failing, the success of others is a blazing sun that burns my eyes which have become accustomed to the dark. If I find myself in this place, I have two choices. I can remain there, wallowing in my failure. Or I can decide that I want out. Daily, God offers me new life. Daily, the choice is mine. It’s not easy. Abandoning the old life requires hard work and sacrifice, but when I follow God’s plan instead of my own, I find life, joy, and peace. Then, I can celebrate with others who’re doing the same.