I Don’t Care What Anyone Thinks

And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” And Saul was very angry, and this saying displeased him. 1 Samuel 18:7-8

Later this morning, I’m speaking to a group of high school students who meet weekly for breakfast and a devotional. There, I intend to talk about pursuing the truly important things in life. When I was their age, I had my priorities all backwards – overly concerned with what others thought of me. I just wanted to fit in and be popular. Growing up then, has meant learning to not concern myself with what others think. Frankly I’ve got far more important things to worry about. And honestly, I’m pretty good at not caring what others think. That is, until someone gets more credit than me for something that I think is important. For instance, if, after I spoke today, someone came up to me and said, “You did a really good job but our speaker last week was truly amazing”, that would drive me nuts. When something is important to me, I want to be recognized for being good at it. If someone else is better than me, I’m jealous.

This is the theme of today’s passage, in which King Saul became jealous of David. As king, Saul was at the top of the pecking order. After David defeated Goliath however, the people sang praises to David, revering him above Saul. Saul’s ego simply couldn’t tolerate this, and jealousy began to poison his mind. The passage goes on to say that while David’s popularity grew, Saul’s jealousy turned to murderous rage as he tried repeatedly to kill David. Focusing on himself – not on God – was always Saul’s problem and here, his pride was so wounded that his mind was overthrown with jealousy.

It’s an ugly emotion – one which I can see clearly in others, recognizing it as self-destructive. When, however, anyone is revered for something I want to be good at, then jealousy is my natural response. That which comes natural to me though, often isn’t healthy. In my jealousy, I turn towards myself and away from God. As always though, my way is disaster and God’s way is life. Daily then, I must examine myself to see if any unhealthy thoughts or emotions are festering. I can’t always stop that first twinge of jealousy. Emotions simply pop up. I can, however, indulge in my jealousy, growing it, or I can turn my mind away from myself towards God. In doing so, I abandon my self-inflicted misery, instead finding joy and peace – even if last week’s speaker was better than me.