Vows

And they answered Joshua, “All that you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go.” Joshua 1:16

When we got married, like everyone, my wife and I made our vows, promising to love and cherish each other as long as we lived. It was a beautiful, sacred moment, and I understood that I was making a profound commitment, one which I had every intention of fulfilling. I was stepping into a new life as a husband and the significance of the moment wasn’t lost on me. I learned later though, that as important as that moment was, making the vow was the easy part. Keeping the vow – that was the hard part.

In my addiction, I broke my wedding vows, loving my drugs above all, as I failed spectacularly at loving and cherishing my wife. I may not have had an affair with another woman, but still, I was unfaithful in the sense that I put my appetite first. I made a vow to love my wife, but when my appetite lay in opposition to that vow, I chose my appetite. If you’d have asked me on my wedding day if I thought I’d ever become addicted, losing my job and putting my marriage in jeopardy, I’d have said you were insane for suggesting it. Again though, making the vow was the easy part. Keeping it – that was the hard part.

Today’s passage illustrates this reality. In the story, the tribes of Reuben and Gad had previously requested to inhabit the land on the eastern side of the Jordan River, choosing not to enter the promised land with the rest of the Israelites. Moses told them they could do so, but that they needed to promise to send their men with the rest of the Israelite army into Canaan to conquer it. Once they performed their military duty, they could return to their wives and children. They vowed to do so and so, they inherited the land. In today’s passage though, the time to keep the vow arrived. Joshua was about to lead the Israelites into the promised land, and he called upon the men of Reuben and Gad to fulfill their vow. Making the vow had been the easy part. Living up to the vow was going to require significant sacrifice.

In recovery now, I’ve been given a new opportunity at life and my marriage. I can’t undo the past, but I’ve got a second chance to live up to my vows today. In recovery, I’m learning to ask myself how my decisions affect my wife. Am I loving and cherishing my wife? If my behavior lies in opposition to my wedding vows, then I must change my behavior. I made the vow, which was the easy part. Now, if I desire a healthy marriage, I must do whatever it takes to keep it.