You Have to Kill It

And that first strike, which Jonathan and his armor-bearer made, killed about twenty men . . . 1 Samuel 14:14

It’s not uncommon for me to meet patients who’re addicted, and who want to be free from the misery of addiction, but who remain unwilling to let go of the drug or the paraphernalia they use to consume the drug. I want to quit but what if I can’t? What if I need it again someday? So, they keep a little supply of the drug, and they keep the equipment used to consume the drug. As long as they cling to these things though, they keep the door open, and they’ll always go back.

I’ve been there. I hated my addiction, and I desperately wanted to be free from it. I went to recovery meetings, and outpatient treatment – twice. Still, I retained the right to use again someday. I vowed not to return to active addiction, but I kept the door open and so, I didn’t really abandon it. I just set my drug use down for a little while. Then later, when I thought I was fine, I picked it up again. I wasn’t fine though. I was still addicted, and my addiction took off as if I’d never quit. And of course, I hadn’t quit. I’d just taken a little break.

Today’s passage reveals my error, and what I needed to do to truly be free. In the story, we’re told how the Israelites, because of their failure to follow God, had been subjugated by the Philistines. Living in caves, they’d been overthrown by their own sin and desperately wanted to be free. In their wretched state, Jonathan, son of King Saul, set out to do something desperate. He and his armor-bearer, up against absurd odds, attacked a garrison of the Philistines, killing them. Recognizing that the only way to be free of those who oppressed them, was to destroy them, Jonathan risked his life to do so.

In my addiction, if I truly wanted to be free of it, I had to do the same – I had to do whatever it took to destroy it. For me, that meant going to treatment, changing everything in my life, and desperately seeking God. If I wanted to be free, I had to get radical, violently cutting drug use out of my life so that I could follow God’s will, not mine.

This will be painful and this will require sacrifice. Our addictions have metastasized throughout our lives, attaching themselves to us. Cutting them out will hurt and killing them is like killing part of ourselves. What will this look like for you? Well, what would it take to be free? If your addicted to a drug, freedom may mean treatment, recovery meetings, and cutting using friends out of your life. If you’re your addiction is pornography, freedom will likely mean cutting off your access to it. I can’t get rid of my smart phone! Half-measures are of no use here though. If we truly want to be free from an addiction, we must be willing to do whatever it takes to kill it.