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Category: Faith in the Struggle

Fine, Do Whatever You Want

And God came to Balaam at night and said to him, “If the men have come to call you, rise, go with them; but only do what I tell you.” Numbers 22:20 A couple of months after my knee replacement, I found myself at my follow-up appointment with my surgeon, asking what I could do.…
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The Borderline Christian

Come now, curse this people for me, since they are too mighty for me. Perhaps I shall be able to defeat them and drive them from the land, for I know that he whom you bless is blessed, and he whom you curse is cursed. Numbers 22:6 As I’ve mentioned previously, I grew up in…
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Rewriting Your Story

But the LORD said to Moses, “Do not fear him, for I have given him into your hand, and all his people, and his land.” Numbers 21:3 Ten years ago, I was in the Emergency Room, where I’d worked for the first 12 years of my career. I’d built a reasonably good reputation, but my…
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Save Me From Myself

So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole. And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live. Numbers 21:9 There was a time in my life when the faith I practiced was simply a belief in my head. I knew God existed. I believed in…
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Relapsing After 10 Years

Then Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock, and he said to them, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” And Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, and water came out abundantly . . . Numbers 20:10-11 Occasionally,…
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This is What Insanity Looks Like

But on the next day all the congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and against Aaron, saying, “You have killed the people of the LORD.” Numbers 16:41 Recently, I sat listening, as a man addicted to stimulants told me an all-too-familiar story. He’d been depressed his whole life and just wanted to…
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Ice Fishing and Alcohol

And the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, “Separate yourselves from among this congregation, that I may consume them in a moment.” Numbers 16:20 Back when I drank, I enjoyed ice fishing. Or, rather, I should say that I enjoyed the environment of ice fishing. My wife never came out to the fish…
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The Accidental Prostitute

And it shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after. Numbers 15:39 I didn’t get addicted to opioids on purpose. I didn’t start out planning…
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Drinking at Work

While the people of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day. Numbers 15:32 To pay the bills in college, I waited tables at an Italian restaurant where we served wine, poured from a box kept back in the cooler. I remember the first time I poured myself…
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My First Opioid Exposure

If one person sins unintentionally, he shall offer a female goat a year old for a sin offering. Numbers 15:27 My first exposure to opioids came in my fourth year of medical school after a surgery to remove a thyroid cancer. Postoperatively, I got a prescription for opioid pain pills and immediately fell in love…
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