I Won, Right?

And as soon as Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, Ahab arose to go down to the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, to take possession of it. 1 Kings 21:16

I have a painful memory of stealing a sucker as a young kid. I was at the neighbor’s house and there, on the counter, was the sucker. I wanted it and so I waited until no one was in the immediate vicinity, and I ran off with it. There was that one moment where I got what I wanted, intending to enjoy the fruits of my efforts, but the sense of victory soon turned to ash, as I recognized what I’d done. It was the only time I stole, because it made me miserable. There was simply no way I could enjoy that sucker. Rather, I was tormented, having to live with myself. Even though I got what I wanted, and got away with it, I hadn’t won because I broke something inside of me, becoming a thief.

I’ve got to wonder if King Ahab had any sense of this in today’s passage. In the story, he coveted his neighbor’s vineyard but was rebuffed in his attempts to acquire it. Going home rejected and sullen, his wife sprang into action, making a up a terrible story that led to the execution of the owner of the vineyard. Once the owner was dead, Ahab took possession of the vineyard. Victory, right? I’ve got to wonder if Ahab reveled in his acquisition or if he felt any guilt over what he’d done and what he became. Either way, his victory didn’t last long as the prophet Elijah soon showed up, condemning him to death for his crime.

When I see something I want, it’s my first impulse to simply figure out how to get it. Once I’ve got it though, then I’ve got to live with what I did to get there. It’s no victory if I had to engage in sin, damaging myself in the process. In recovery, I’m still learning that when I see something I want, I must first ask not how to get it, but Should I get it? If impulsively pursuing that thing means that I engage in sin, then I must abandon it. When I stop and think about it, I’d much rather go without whatever that thing is than give up a part of myself in the process of getting it.