A Father’s Decisions

And the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.” 2 Samuel 18:5

I recently asked my parents what advice they’d give to their kids, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. My father challenged us to discover and become who God made us to be. My mother said exactly what I knew she would say because I’ve heard her say it so many times previously. With tears in her eyes, she said she desired more than anything that all her descendants would have a personal relationship with Christ. I don’t have grandchildren yet, but I understand her passion. Because I believe our relationship with God is the most important thing about us, I too, desire that my own children invest daily in that relationship. If, one the other hand, they ever rejected their faith, that would be profoundly painful.

Even though my kids aren’t kids anymore, my wife and I feel largely responsible for how they approach life. If my kids ever struggled with drugs or alcohol, I would of course feel responsible – they wouldn’t have gotten that from their mother. The decisions we’ve made in our lives have, of course, directly impacted our children’s lives, for better and worse.

This seems to be the reality that King David had to painfully accept in today’s passage. In the story, his own son Absalom tried to overthrow him. As the rebellion failed, and as David’s army began to take the upper hand in the conflict, David begged his commanders to display compassion with Absalom. David must have known that it was his own failures as a father that led he and his son to this point. When David took Bathsheba and killed her husband, he set his family down a road of conflict. When his son Amnon raped his daughter Tamar, and David did nothing, his inaction infuriated her brother, Absalom, who later killed Amnon. When David allowed Absalom back into Jerusalem but refused to reconcile, he made an enemy of his own son. Absalom’s revolt against his father was a direct result of David’s sins and failures as a father.

The lesson for me, is that my behavior matters. I may like to think I can do what I want with no effect on anyone else. This is one of the great lies of any addiction. But my toxic behavior always has toxic consequences, affecting most those closest to me. Thankfully, the opposite is true as well. If I daily seek God’s will for my life, that will also affect those closest to me, in a good way. Daily then, I must make my decisions recognizing I’m not choosing only for me, but for my children also.