Forgiveness and Reconciliation

David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.” And Nathan said to David, “The LORD also has put away your sin; you shall not die. Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the LORD, the child who is born to you shall die.” 2 Samuel 12:13-14

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about forgiveness, restoration, and reconciliation. When I went to inpatient treatment, with my life a disaster, I asked God’s forgiveness for my terrible behavior. I was sorry, I was in the process of repenting, and I felt that I was genuinely forgiven. The problem was that I wanted forgiveness to mean that my life would just go back to normal. I knew deep down though that it just didn’t work that way. I had diverted opioids and betrayed the trust of my wife. There were going to be consequences for those behaviors and being forgiven by God didn’t mean that those consequences were magically removed. It was tempting at that point to be frustrated with God. If I’m forgiven, why can’t everything just go back to normal?

I’ve got to wonder if David felt the same in today’s passage. In the story, God confronted David for killing Uriah and taking his wife. When David’s abominable sin was dragged into the light, he was horrified by it. In desperation, David threw himself on God’s mercy. I have sinned against the LORD. The prophet Nathan let him know that God forgave him, but that there were still going to be consequences. Forgiveness meant that God no longer held that debt over David’s head, but it didn’t mean that God and David were restored back to their old relationship in which God continually blessed David. God was hurt and (2 Samuel 11:27) and even though he forgave, there were still painful consequences for David.

If someone hurts me, I must forgive them. For my own good, I must let go of resentment and let go of the debt I hold over the other person’s head. This, however, is often independent of that person’s actions – it’s something I must do whether they ask forgiveness or not. They may never believe they were in the wrong, but for my own mental health, I’ve got to let it go. That, however, does not mean that our relationship is restored to its previous status. If someone hurts me, I may forgive, while establishing boundaries. Forgiveness doesn’t mean no consequences. Restoration and reconciliation may eventually occur, but that takes both parties working towards those goals.

Thankfully, when we repent and ask God’s forgiveness, we will always find love, grace, and mercy. That, however, does not mean there will be no repercussions for our toxic behavior.