I Make Bad Decisions

After this David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I go up into any of the cities of Judah?” And the LORD said to him, “Go up.” David said, “To which shall I go up?” And he said, “To Hebron.” 2 Samuel 2:1

I have a self-destructive appetite and when I follow it, I make myself miserable. Simply, I want that which is bad for me. You’d think that I’d learn my lesson and that I’d stop craving those things which have caused me so much misery, but donuts still sound good, even though they’ve led repeatedly to weight gain and frustration. When I follow me, I make bad decisions. This is what I explain to those who’re seeking recovery but who cannot see their need for God. My poor decision making once tore my life apart. As I began seeking recovery, I recognized that I needed something greater than me to follow. For me, that’s God.

Now, through experience, I’ve learned that my way is disaster and that God’s way is life. Following God may mean sacrificing my will to do whatever I want, but he’s never made me miserable, and he’ll never lead me back to addiction. That’s why I need God – because on my own, I make bad decisions. I don’t do it perfectly, and I still struggle with doing things my way, but daily now, I go to God, asking what he wants of me. And that has been all the difference between a life of despair and a life of joy.

This is how God intended us to live, as modeled by David in today’s passage. In the story, we get a glimpse into David’s decision making and we see why God loved him so much. After Saul’s death, David didn’t know what to do or where to go. So, he asked God. God answered and David obeyed. David lived his life not according to what he wanted, but according to what God wanted – at least in today’s passage. Later, David followed his own appetite, leading to tremendous misery and conflict. In today’s passage though, David lived his life according to God’s will, not his own.

God doesn’t speak audibly to me, as it seems like he did with David, but still, I can know God’s will. I know that he wants me to abandon my self-destructive appetite so that I may follow him, loving those he’s put in my life. I know that he wants me to point others to the faith and recovery that I’ve found. Daily then, if I want to continue to experience the new life, I must continue to seek God’s will, doing what he wants instead of what I want. My way is disaster. God’s way is life.