Boys Will Be Boys

Then David sent and spoke to Abigail, to take her as his wife. 1 Samuel 25:39

My wife and I recently watched a documentary about a sports hero whose toxic behavior towards women cast a shadow over his legendary career. This was someone I greatly admired and when the story initially came out years ago, I can remember my disappointment. At the time though, I told myself that everyone makes mistakes, and because I really liked him, I found myself making excuses. Boys will be boys. She probably seduced him. The documentary however, revealed a decades-long pattern of toxic behavior towards women that seemed to be a direct result of his status as a sports hero. From his teenage years, this superstar could have whoever he wanted with no consequences. In this environment, he came to treat women as subjects to be used for his own pleasure.

As disgusting as it was to learn of this vile behavior towards women, I had to ask myself what I’d be like if I’d have been treated this way. Women, you may not know this, but almost every man would behave badly if he got whatever he wanted his entire life. It’s simply natural for most men to want to be king and to approach every attractive woman as a potential conquest. Thankfully, most of us don’t have godlike powers on the football field and so, most of us won’t have the opportunity to become this kind of monster. But still, if we were treated as royalty our entire lives, it would be natural for us to develop this toxic view of women.

That which is natural though, is often profoundly unhealthy. Men’s natural view of women – seeing every attractive woman as a sexual object – is, of course, profoundly destructive. This reality is illustrated in David’s life. Though David followed God (mostly), he had an appetite for women that eventually caused tremendous misery. In today’s passage, we get a glimpse into this appetite as David met Abigail, who was apparently very attractive but also married. When her husband died, David immediately sent for her – as if ordering online – to be his wife. David saw something he wanted and when the opportunity arose, he took it. This is the attitude that eventually led David to murder and adultery.

I may never be treated as a king and I may never engage in murder or adultery, but still, I’m responsible for my attitude about women. If I indulge in lust, pornography, or inappropriate relationships, those things are inherently toxic to me, my spiritual life, and my relationship with my wife – even if she never finds out. If I desire to be healthy and if I desire to have a healthy relationship with God and with my wife, then daily, I must take my thoughts captive, treating all women as God desires – as his children.