Happy Wife, Happy Life

If you will fear the LORD and serve him and obey his voice and not rebel against the commandment of the LORD . . . it will be well. But if you will not obey the voice of the LORD, but rebel against the commandment of the LORD, then the hand of the LORD will be against you . . . 1 Samuel 12:14-15

Everyone who gets married wants a happy healthy marriage. No one intends to have a miserable marriage. Some people act in such a way that it appears they’re seeking misery, but no one purposefully sets out to get divorced. Why then, do so many marriages fail? I suspect that most marriages fail because people are ultimately quite selfish and though most people want a healthy marriage, they go about getting what they want the wrong way. They want a spouse who meets their needs, so they demand their spouse do so, without ever sacrificing to meet their spouse’s needs. Like I said – selfish.

We certainly don’t do it perfectly, but long ago, my wife and I read a book* that taught us that a healthy marriage means purposefully learning and meeting each other’s needs. The key to getting what I want out of marriage isn’t to demand it. Paradoxically, the key to getting what I need from my wife is to sacrifice my time and effort to give her what she needs. When we have conflict, it’s not because we’ve been trying too hard to meet each other’s needs. Rather, we have conflict when we look to our own needs first.

A similar principle applies to our relationship with God, who created us to find that all our deepest needs are met in a loving relationship with him. To live in harmony with God though, means that we must follow and obey him. We all want to be happy. Most of us simply go about it the wrong way, trying to find happiness in doing what we want, instead of doing what God wants.

In today’s passage, Samuel revealed to his people the secret of the good life. If the Israelites wanted to experience joy and peace, they weren’t going to find it in following themselves. Paradoxically, the only way to get what they truly wanted out of life was to sacrifice their will to follow God’s will. In doing so, they lived in harmony with God, which is man’s only path to getting what he truly needs.

It may ultimately sound a little selfish, but this is a good and wise kind of selfish. To get what I need out of marriage, I must give my wife what she needs. To get what I want out of life, I must not seek my will, but God’s.

*His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley