You Make Me Crazy

Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low, and you have become the cause of great trouble to me. Judges 11:35

Yesterday, on the way home from work, I was challenged to a fight. While driving, I was preparing to pass another vehicle, when I saw the driver roll down his window and flip someone off. As I passed, I realized his anger was directed at me as he screamed obscenities and asked me if I wanted to pull over and fight. I did not. Confused – I had no idea what I’d done – I rolled down my window to inquire about the offense when he aggressively accelerated, cutting me off. He continued screaming as he turned, speeding off.

I took the rest of the 20-minute drive home to process the event, going from confused to angry. Though I had no idea what triggered him, this individual clearly felt that I’d done something offensive and, in his anger, he acted terribly. If you’d have asked him afterward, he’d have said that his anger was my fault. In turn, I allowed his absurd behavior to anger me as I spent a good portion of the drive home stewing over the incident. Thankfully, I soon realized that I didn’t want this crazy man in my head, controlling my thoughts, and I had to let the anger go.

The incident got me to thinking about how we often try to blame others for our own bad behavior. This is exactly what happened in today’s passage. In the story, Jephthah made a deal with God that, if God gave him victory over the Ammonites, he’d sacrifice whatever came out of his house when he returned from battle. Jephthah was victorious and it was, of course, his only child who first came out to greet him when he came home. In his distress, he blamed his daughter for the predicament. You have become the cause of great trouble to me. This deflection was absurd. His daughter didn’t make the deal. This deal with God rather, was a product of Jephthah’s fear and lack of faith. In his anguish though, it was easier to blame someone else, than to take responsibility for his own failure. You made me do this.

There will always be those who say and do hurtful things. That driver yesterday was terribly rude. I’m not responsible for his behavior though. I’m only responsible for mine. If, in response to his bad behavior, I act badly, I’m still at fault for my bad behavior. There are always people in life who will act in an infuriating manner. If I don’t want to go through life being miserable, I can’t allow their words and actions to control me. By the time I got home yesterday, I was able to recognize that this other guy had some significant life problems, and I was able to hope and pray that, in his state, he didn’t hurt anyone. I couldn’t control his behavior, but neither did I have to allow him to control mine.