Fake Remorse

And the people of Israel cried out to the LORD, saying, “We have sinned against you, because we have forsaken our God and have served the Baals.” Judges 10:10

A while back, my wife and I were discussing the life problems of an acquaintance whose terrible choices had been dragged into the light. Enduring painful consequences, it seemed to me that she was saying all the right things. My wife was skeptical – She’s only sorry because she got caught. My wife is wise and unfortunately experienced in this department. She’s watched me express the same kind of fake remorse when my addiction was first dragged into the light. Those first couple of times, I truly felt bad, but I was mostly sorry for the painful consequences of getting caught. This was proven to be true when I relapsed only a short time later. She was right. I felt bad about the pain caused by my addictive behavior, but not bad enough to put myself through the discomfort of truly changing.

So, this last time, when my life absolutely came apart and I once again declared how sorry I was, my wife was appropriately skeptical. Those were the worst consequences I had faced though, which was exactly what I needed to make me see my need for radical change. Yes, I was only changing because I’d been caught, but that terrible slap in the face was exactly what I needed to make me recognize what I’d done and to make me truly want to change. If I’d have never endured such horrible consequences, I’m afraid I’d still be using drugs.

You’re only sorry because you got caught. This appears to be where the Israelites were in today’s passage. In it, they once again wandered from God, who allowed them to be conquered by the Philistines. It was only in their misery that God’s people returned to him. We’re so sorry. Take us back. Rescue us (my paraphrase). To the observer, it would appear that God’s people only turned to him in their distress, which seems dreadfully insincere.

We shouldn’t, however, discount the power of pain in transforming our behavior. Addiction requires a radical life change to disrupt the addictive behavior and often, only profound pain can prompt us to choose that radical disruption. My wife was right though, even terrible consequences don’t always prompt authentic change and often we’re only sorry because we got caught. The difference is in our response. If we express remorse but then quickly return to the behavior, our sorry wasn’t authentic. If, however, we use that pain to change, then God has used our trials to grow us. Are we only sorry for getting caught? Or are we going to truly embrace change? The answer is completely up to us, but it will be obvious to everyone.