Donuts: Episode #547

And the people of Israel again did what was evil in the sight of the LORD . . . Judges 3:12

At a recovery group recently, I reported that I’ve not been doing well with discipline in my eating. I’ve used the holiday season as an excuse to eat whatever I want, and now the consequences are piling up on my scale. I have found myself extremely frustrated with my persistent unhealthy appetites. No, I’m not using drugs, but recovery isn’t just about drug use. It’s about not allowing my self-destructive nature to run my life, because when I live for my appetite today, I find myself miserable tomorrow. So, anyway, a couple of days after reporting this to my recovery group, one of the guys texted me a picture of Day 26 from my own book, which is an entry on donuts. That day’s devotion, written nearly nine ago, discussed a flaw with which I’m still wrestling – food.

If you know my writing, you know about my ongoing struggle with food. It’s simply my nature to desire that which is unhealthy for me. Even though I’m a Christian, my self-destructive appetite isn’t gone. I still like donuts, but when I eat them, I lose self-control and later regret my decisions. In my frustration, I’ll eventually make significant life changes, leading to some success. Eventually though, in my success, I become apathetic and drift back to my old eating patterns. Then the whole cycle repeats itself.

I recently wrote of Israel’s cycle of misery, in which they wandered from God, experienced pain, repented, found restoration, and then repeated the whole process over again. It’s maddening to read about their stupidity, but that’s my life. I’ve got self-destructive behaviors to which I repeatedly return, even though I know the misery they’ve caused me previously.

So, how do I see my struggle with food today? It’s easy to be frustrated with my ongoing flaws. As long as I’m in this body though, I’m going to know that donuts can provide immediate gratification. That appetite isn’t going anywhere. My persistent flaws can take me two directions. First, I can surrender to them, experiencing the misery that I’ve known all too well. Or I can use my persistent need to keep me dependent on God. If God removed all my flaws today, tomorrow I’d abandon God, drowning in self-sufficiency. It is my persistent struggle that makes me realize my daily need for God. In recognizing my need, I can daily do what it takes to abandon my self-destructive appetites to follow him. I’m always going to have some flaws, but that doesn’t mean I must live enslaved to them. In daily following God, I can experience freedom and joy, despite my ongoing struggles.