Too Broken Myself

And the LORD said to Joshua, “Do not fear and do not be dismayed. Take all the fighting men with you, and arise, go up to Ai. See, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, and his people, his city, and his land.” Joshua 8:1

One of the foundational concepts of recovery is Peer Support – No one can help the addicted like those who’ve been addicted. Recovery meetings are usually intended to be only for those who’re struggling with addiction, facilitated by those who’re in recovery from addiction. Those in recovery though, is an important detail. If a recovery meeting was led by those who were actively using, that would be disastrous. To effectively lead others to recovery, one can’t be living in active addiction.

I know this to be true from personal experience. While struggling with my own addiction, I made some anemic attempts to help others with their addiction. I even tried to point some of them towards my faith. I believed in God, and I believed I was supposed to be of service to others, but my faith wasn’t working in my own life. I was a mess, and I had no business trying to clean up other’s lives. My efforts were mostly futile. I was just too broken to be of assistance to anyone. I had to first find recovery, getting my life right with God, before I was able to do his will. While living outside God’s will, I couldn’t be of much service to him.

This is the lesson of today’s passage. In it, God prompted Joshua and the Israelites to attack Ai. In the previous chapter however, while under God’s wrath, we’re told how the Israelites had just been soundly defeated by the same army. Now, with their relationship with God restored, God promised victory. While living in disobedience to God, all their endeavors were in vain. While living in God’s will though, they enjoyed success.

While addicted, I was miserable, and though I wanted to help others, I found my attempts futile. Now, living in faith and recovery, I find great purpose and joy in pointing others towards that same faith and recovery. My efforts are certainly not always successful, but the fact that I’m sober and daily attempting to do God’s will is a profoundly satisfying success in itself. While defying God, even if it’s only in one area of my life, my efforts at serving him aren’t likely to be productive.* When however, I repent, turn around, and follow him, I align my life with his purposes. Then, whatever the outcome, I can experience peace and joy, simply knowing that I’m living in God’s will for my life.

*I don’t have to be perfect to do God’s will. No one could every meet that standard. I can’t however, live in defiance of God’s will, while hoping that he blesses my endeavors.