Contentment

In the morning you shall say, “If only it were evening!” and at evening you shall say, “If only it were morning!” because of the dread that your heart shall feel, and the sights that your eyes shall see. Deuteronomy 28:67

Every morning, upon waking, I make my coffee and, weather permitting, I go outside to gaze at the stars as I say my daily prayers. It’s profoundly peaceful to sit in the quiet of the day, talking with God. Under the stars, I find joy and serenity, not wishing time away as I so often do. I simply lie in my recliner, pray, and bask in the starlight, sometimes hoping that time would slow down or even stop so I could remain there all day. In that moment, I am content.

Contentment has not been something I’ve always been good at. For years of my life, I’ve raced from one thing to the next, constantly wishing life would be different. Like anyone else, I just want to be happy. I desire satisfaction. My problem, of course, is how I’ve gone about seeking happiness and satisfaction. So many times, I’ve taken the quick, easy route to gratification or pleasure, which provided momentary happiness, but then faded, leaving me empty and desperate for the next high. Unfortunately, I pursued immediate gratification to the point of drug addiction, where I found only misery and pain. It is a bitter irony that the thing I once pursued to make me happy caused me so much grief.

Recovery then, has meant a completely different approach to happiness. In recovery, I’m learning to seek contentment instead of momentary pleasure. Momentary pleasure means following my now appetite for food, sex, or drugs. Contentment is saying no to temptation, following God’s will instead of my appetite. Immediate gratification is easy today, but painful tomorrow. Contentment is hard work today but pays off tomorrow. Pleasure is fleeting, leaving me empty whereas contentment fills me with life, without the bitter aftertaste.

Today’s passage is a picture of discontentment. In it, Moses predicted what life would be like for the Israelites if they abandoned God to follow themselves. In their disobedience, they would find momentary pleasure, but it would turn to ash, leaving them unsatisfied and wishing desperately for a different life. Through Moses, God taught the Israelites what he would teach us – that contentment is a choice. If we desire contentment, it isn’t simply a state of mind. Rather, today’s contentment is a product of yesterday’s decisions. If we desire true contentment, then today – and every day – we must live in such a way that we may experience contentment tomorrow.