Who I Am and Who I Want to Be

And Moses summoned all Israel and said to them, “Hear, O Israel, the statutes and the rules that I speak in your hearing today, and you shall learn them and be careful to do them.” Deuteronomy 5:1

Growing up, I knew a few of those guys who were just natural athletes. They never lifted a weight, but they looked like they did. They never exercised on purpose, but they were faster and stronger than me. I found it annoying. My natural state isn’t toned and fit. My natural state is gelatinous. If I don’t intentionally work hard at being in shape, I’m out of shape. I don’t naturally eat healthy foods and exercise. Rather, it’s my nature to sit in my recliner, eating donuts. If I want to maintain a healthy body, I must be willing to work hard, sweat, and make some dietary sacrifices. To find some semblance of fitness, I’ve had to look at who I am and who I want to be. I’ve had to figure out what it would take to get where I want to go. Then – and this is the hard part – I’ve had to live that way.

This is a lesson that applies to all of life. Following what simply comes natural to me – doing whatever I want, whenever I want – led to my drug addiction. Recovery has been anything but natural. If I wanted my life back though, I had to figure out what it would take to get there and then I had to do it. Living unintentionally or haphazardly was never going to get me where I wanted to go. To get there, I had to live purposefully.

This was the message of Moses to his people in today’s passage. As they prepared to enter the promise land, Moses looked back over the previous 40 years, reminding his people of God’s commands. If you want to enjoy the life God desires for you, follow his will. The problem of course, is that following God’s will meant sacrificing their own will, which simply wasn’t natural. So, if they desired the blessed life God planned for them, they needed to listen, learn, and do. Living unintentionally led to chaos and disaster. If they wanted their lives to go in the right direction, they needed to intentionally live in a way that got them there.

This is a continual process for me. I may be sober but I’m far from perfect. Regularly, I must look at my life, asking if I’m who I want to be – who God wants me to be. If I’m not there, I need to figure out how to get there. Then – and this is the hard part – I must purposefully live that way. Living incidentally will never get me where I want to go.