Boundaries for Marriage and Life

This is the land that shall fall to you for an inheritance, the land of Canaan as defined by its borders. Numbers 34:2

When my wife and I married, we entered a relationship with an expectation of specific boundaries that limited our behavior. For some reason, the idea of anything confining my behavior has a negative connotation, but I think that most of us would agree that marriage boundaries are appropriate. When we said our wedding vows, we made certain promises to each other. I expect my wife to be faithful and loving to me and she expects that I do the same for her. So, when I put my addiction before my wife, I stepped far outside the boundaries of behavior that she had a right to expect of me. As I violated those boundaries repeatedly, destroying our lives in the process, she responded appropriately, but painfully – If you continue this behavior, our marriage is over. She had appropriate boundaries that she expected I live within, and when I refused to be confined, I nearly destroyed our marriage.

This is similar to God’s relationship with his people, as illustrated in today’s passage. In it, as the Israelites approached the Promise Land, God defined its borders. They were to take possession of the land called Canaan, but they had to live within specific boundaries, both geographically and behaviorally. God expected his people to be faithful to him, following his will. If they strayed beyond certain geographical or behavioral borders, they would step outside his will, damaging themselves in the process.

We may not have specific geographical boundaries in which God expects us to live, but he has certainly established boundaries for our behavior. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience (Colossians 3:5,12) . . . When we step outside God’s boundaries, indulging in lust, anger, or pride, we damage ourselves. We like to interpret grace to mean that since God forgives all our sins, that there are no more boundaries, but this is a false grace. We can absolutely cause ourselves countless miseries when we step outside God’s will.

Thankfully, the opposite is true as well, both in faith and marriage. As I’ve learned to live within the expected boundaries of marriage, my wife and I have rebuilt a happy, healthy relationship. As I’m learning to live within God’s boundaries, following his will instead of mine, I’m learning the joy of faith and recovery. Though part of me may chafe at the idea of boundaries, I must admit that living within appropriate boundaries makes a far better life.