10 Years Sober

We will take up arms, ready to go before the people of Israel, until we have brought them to their place. Numbers 32:17

In recovery communities, we often celebrate clean time. When someone passes a significant sobriety milestone, that accomplishment is acknowledged as the entire group asks in unison – How’d you do it? Then the one who’s been in recovery shares his or her journey, explaining how they got there.

Well, this last week marked 10 years of sobriety for me. This is always that time of year when I look back, contemplating the journey. I’m desperately thankful for my recovery – I love my life so much more now than back in my addiction. Looking back though is always a little painful. Those were tough times. I can clearly remember the despair of realizing that I’d destroyed everything good in my life. When I was first confronted with my addiction, and the possibility of losing everything, I tried to lie my way out of it. I desperately turned to God, begging him to protect me from consequence. When it became clear that I was going to have to face my addiction though, I returned to God with a different posture.

I’d always insisted that God simply remove my addictive desires, and then I’d live sober. Finally, in my despair, I went to God and promised that I’d do whatever it took to turn my life around. That was the beginning of my transformation. God wanted me to live in faith and recovery, but he wanted my participation, my obedience. It was only when I became willing to truly follow him, that he began to transform me. I had to be willing to do whatever it took to make things right.

This do-whatever-it-takes behavior is modeled in today’s passage. In the story, as the Israelites stood on the precipice of entering the Promise Land, two of the 12 tribes hung back, wanting to play it safe and remain where they were. Moses confronted them, telling them that they were making the same faithless mistake that their forefathers had. If they refused to enter and fight for the land of Canaan, they too would suffer the consequences of disobedience to God. When confronted with their sin, the two tribes repented, committing to entering and fighting for the land. When confronted with their failure, they recognized it, owned it, and repented – doing whatever it took to make it right. This would require significant sacrifice, but they realized that the pain of disobedience would be far worse.

This is where I found myself. I knew recovery would be difficult. I’ve had to change almost everything about my life. For 10 years, I’ve gotten up early every day to point my life at God. I write this blog. I work and volunteer in several jails. I still attend a weekly recovery meeting. Yes, it’s been hard work. But what was my alternative? Remaining in my addiction would have been infinitely more miserable. As difficult as it’s been to turn my life around, I’ve never regretted it. I’ve never been sorry that I followed God instead of me. I can now see that I’ve sacrificed nothing but my misery. My way was disaster. God’s way is life. How did you do it? Well, I’ve not done it perfectly, but daily, I’ve tried to follow God’s way instead of mine, doing whatever it takes to turn my life around. And that has made all the difference.