Who’s the Jerk?

When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam. And Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff. Numbers 22:27

Years ago, while watching a cop show, the main character – a sardonic old lawman – provided some advice that I’ve remembered ever since (I’ve watered down the colorful language a bit, but you’ll still get the point) – If you run into a jerk in the morning, you ran into a jerk. If you run into jerks all day, you’re the jerk.

This is a reality that most of us in recovery have had to face. In our addiction, our behavior is so flawed that our lives become defined by chaos and conflict. Unable to be honest with ourselves though, we find it far easier to blame everyone else. I don’t have a problem with drugs. Everyone else just has a problem with my drug use. It’s absurd, but still, we do it to protect ourselves from the pain of acknowledging who we’ve become. The problem of course, is that as long as we blame everyone else for the disaster that we’ve caused, our lives will never change. We’ll just continue wallowing in misery because other people aren’t the problem. We’re the problem, and until we admit that we’ll never be able to recover.

The prophet Balaam found himself avoiding blame in today’s passage. In the story, Balaam angered God by going to meet with the king of Moab, who’d promised to pay him if he’d curse the Israelites. God sent an angel to stand in the way of Balaam’s donkey, blocking his path. The donkey could see the angel, but Balaam remained blind to it. The donkey stopped three time and three times, Balaam beat the donkey, blaming it for his problems. Finally, Balaam’s eyes were opened, and as he saw the angel, he fell on his face in fear, recognizing that he was the problem. As long as he blamed the donkey, he was never going to change. Only when he realized that he was at fault, could he truly repent.

There will always be challenging people in our lives. I’m not saying that all conflict is our fault. If, however, we live in constant conflict with those around us, we must at some point, recognize our own flaws. While we blame everyone else, we’ll never be able to change anything, because other people aren’t our greatest life problem. We are. It’s only when we are willing to be honest, admitting our flaws, that we can begin to do anything about them. If we go through life, thinking everyone we meet are jerks, we’re the jerk.