Relapsing After 10 Years

Then Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock, and he said to them, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” And Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice, and water came out abundantly . . . Numbers 20:10-11

Occasionally, I’ll meet someone who’d been sober for 10 years only to relapse. This worries me. It seems like anyone who’s been sober for 10 years should be relapse-proof. So, I always ask what happened. Invariably, there was some tragedy – loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or a financial disaster – and that was it. In a moment of profound despair, that individual just snapped and relapsed. As I said, this concerns me. I’m coming up on 10 years of sobriety and sometimes I like to think I’m relapse-proof. These stories though, serve as a warning. Trials will come. I will be tested. I will be tempted. I know that I can’t completely prepare myself for every life trial, but I also know that my response to my trials will likely depend upon the condition of my faith and recovery when I get there. That is something I can and must work on now. When the trial comes, I hope that I respond in faith, turning to God, instead of snapping and going back to the old life.

Sadly, Moses finally snapped in today’s passage. In the story, the Israelites were nearing the end of their 40 years of wandering in the wilderness before entering the Promised Land. Once again though, the people turned on Moses, complaining about the lack of water. For 40 years, Moses led them and for 40 years, they whined. Whenever things got tough, the Israelites always resorted to the same old protest – We wish we were back in Egypt! In today’s passage, the people again confronted Moses, once again longing for Egyptian slavery. At first, Moses responded appropriately. He went to God, who told Moses to speak to a specific rock, promising that water would flow from it. Moses frustration and fury must have been brewing though. He’d just had enough. When he got to the rock, he chastised his people as he took his staff and struck the rock in anger. God told him to use his words, but in rage, Moses resorted to violence. This may seem a trivial thing, but for his deliberate disobedience, God told Moses that he’d never enter the Promised Land, which must have been a devastating punishment.

And that’s the warning. Trials will come. What will I do when that day arrives? It is my belief that how I handle the little trials today indicates how I will handle the bigger ones tomorrow. When frustrated now by minor inconveniences, do I swear, despair, and fume? Or do I turn to God, asking what he wants me to do? How I act in the little stressors, prepares me for the big ones. Daily then, I must purposefully practice living in faith and recovery. I don’t ever want to snap, going back to the old life. So, today and every day, I’ll get up and point my life at God. Trials will come. I can’t stop that. I do believe however, that I can prepare for my response to them.