The Accidental Prostitute

And it shall be a tassel for you to look at and remember all the commandments of the LORD, to do them, not to follow after your own heart and your own eyes, which you are inclined to whore after. Numbers 15:39

I didn’t get addicted to opioids on purpose. I didn’t start out planning to divert pills for my own use, losing my job over it. It just kind of happened. I simply followed my natural appetite for opioids which gradually took me down a road I never intended to go. My addiction taught me that my natural path is to do what I want and that what I want can be terribly unhealthy.

Living in faith and recovery then, has been the opposite. Whereas I previously just followed my own nature, living accidentally, I now try to live purposefully, daily attempting to abandon my own nature to seek God’s will. This is anything but automatic. If I waited until I felt like it to go to jail for Sunday morning Bible study, I’d never get there. If I got up early to read, pray, and point my life at God only when it was convenient, I’d never do it. So, I’ve had to purposefully build these activities into my life. This has taken discipline, sacrifice, and commitment, but now, it would be weird if I slept in on Saturdays and skipped my recovery meeting. If I want my life to go in a certain direction, I must purposefully point myself in that direction every day. My natural inclination is veer off course, gradually turning towards self and disaster.

Live purposefully. This was God’s message to his people in today’s passage. In it, he instructed the Israelites to make tassels on the corners of their garments (Numbers 15:38). These tassels were to be a continual reminder to follow, not their own will, but God’s will. God went on to describe the life of following self as the life of a whore or prostitute. This is offensive language, but it emphasizes the gravity of following self. When we do what we want, we ignore God, becoming unfaithful to him – cheating on him. The problem for us, is that this is our natural course. We’re all inclined to do exactly what we want instead of what God wants. If we don’t purposefully follow God, we accidentally follow self.

I like my life now. Following God’s path has transformed my life from one of chaos to one of peace. If I want to stay on this path, I don’t do so accidentally. I do so by living purposefully every day. It’s my nature to veer off course towards self-destruction, so daily, I must get up and purposefully point my life at God, following his plan, not mine.