Too Little, Too Late

Do not go up, for the LORD is not among you, lest you be struck down before your enemies. Numbers 14:42

When my addiction came to light and I lost my job, my wife was understandably hurt and angry. I’d shattered her trust in me, robbed her any sense of security she ever had, and I’d embarrassed her publicly. When I got out of treatment and came home, we lived semi-separate lives for months. During that time, I wanted to show her that I loved her and cared about her, so I attempted to show her affection by doing nice things for her. As you can imagine, these efforts were futile. I wanted her to see that she was important to me and that I cared about her, but to her, the time for doing that had come and gone. I should have thought of her feelings before I destroyed our lives. My clumsy efforts afterwards were too little, too late.

Too little, too late. That’s exactly what happened in today’s passage. In it, God promised the Israelites the land of Canaan. After spying out the land though, they refused to enter, afraid that they’d be destroyed by Canaan’s mighty inhabitants. God, angry at their faithlessness, announced that their punishment would be to wander for 40 years in the wilderness, while the rebellious generation died off so the next generation could inherit the land. Like scolded children, the Israelites said – Fine, we’ll go. But it was too late. Moses warned them not to go. God was not on their side anymore. They went anyway, trying to take the Promised Land on their own, and were utterly defeated. Too little, too late. The time for trusting and obeying God had passed. They rebelled against God, and they were going to suffer the consequences. They should have considered the consequences, obeying God the first time.

When I was caught in my self-destructive behavior and began to experience the consequences, I became terribly sorry. I desperately wished I could go back and make different decisions, undoing the damage I’d caused. I tried to make up for it, but it was too little, too late. The time for considering the cost had come and gone. Thankfully, I was eventually able to restore my relationship with my wife and we now have a wonderful marriage. Now though, in recovery, the daily challenge for me is to weigh consequences before I do anything. How would my wife feel about this? Is this something I want or something God wants? Is this healthy or unhealthy? I once impulsively did whatever my appetite told me to do. Recovery now means learning to think things through before I act, because afterwards is too late.