Catastrophizing

Would that we had died in the land of Egypt! Or would that we had died in this wilderness! Why is the LORD bringing us into this land, to fall by the sword? Our wives and our little ones will become a prey. Would it not be better for us to go back to Egypt? Let us choose a leader and go back to Egypt. Numbers 14:2-4

Several years ago, I noticed an ugly mole on my left forearm. I’m no dermatologist, but I know the worrisome characteristics of a cancerous mole and this mole had all those characteristics. I showed one of my partners who agreed that it needed to be biopsied. As we arranged for the biopsy, I found myself obsessing about malignant melanoma. This mole had developed so rapidly that I knew it had likely metastasized already. I was probably going to die, leaving my family without a husband and father. I got a little panicky as I contemplated chemo, radiation, and my own impending death. Then, as we prepared to biopsy the mole, we cleaned the skin with an alcohol swab. The alcohol swab nearly wiped the mole away as I realized it wasn’t a mole at all, but rather a blotch of wood stain that I must have gotten on my arm when my wife was redoing some furniture a couple of days earlier. I felt more than a little foolish as I realized how badly I’d overreacted.

Many of us are prone to this kind of catastrophic thinking. Without much evidence to support our pessimistic view, we often jump to terrible conclusions, assuming the worst-case scenario. Our catastrophizing leads to despair as we imagine the worst possible outcome, unable to weigh all the facts or to be objective.

This is where the Israelites found themselves in today’s passage. In the story, God had miraculously delivered them from Egyptian slavery and provided for them as he led them to the Promised Land. When, however, they discovered giants in the land, they quivered in fear. We’re going to die! Let’s go back to Egyptian slavery! Even though God had provided and promised that he’d continue to do so, their faith failed as they catastrophized, assuming the worst possible outcome.

I’d like to say that my not-a-real-mole incident taught me never to catastrophize again, but I still must guard myself against this kind of thinking. Assuming the worst possible outcome is self-centered, unproductive, despair-provoking, and is ultimately, faithless. In engaging in such thinking, I turn my mind from God towards myself, which isn’t healthy or helpful. When confronted with any trial, if I want to respond in a productive manner, I must go to God, asking what he wants me to do with it. Bad outcomes are possible, but obsessing about them before they happen, isn’t productive, healthy, or faithful.