Imposter Syndrome

Then the men who had gone up with him said, “We are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we are.” Numbers 13:31

A year or two ago, I had to testify for the first time in court, regarding the competency of a patient. Ironically, I felt incompetent at doing so. I’m no lawyer. I’d never done it before. There must be someone better qualified than me for this job. When I took time to think it over though, there wasn’t anyone more qualified. I knew the patient. I knew the facts. And I had an obligation to do the right thing. It was my job. So, even though I felt like an imposter, I recognized the reality before me, and I did my job to the best of my ability. I’m still no lawyer, but testifying in such cases has simply become part of my practice now.

The Imposter Syndrome. This is where the Israelites found themselves in today’s passage. In the story, God told them to scout out the Promised Land. If the Israelites were going to occupy it, they were going to have to take it by force. So, Moses sent out spies to assess the land and its people. God had already promised the Israelites they would possess the Promised Land, but when the spies saw the size and strength of the people, they quaked in fear. There were giants living there and so, the spies trembled – We seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them (Numbers 13:33). The spies doubted their own ability to conquer these mighty people, and they were right to do so. They couldn’t do this on their own. In their fear though, they omitted the one most important fact – they were on God’s side and God was on theirs.

When faced with any intimidating situation, I must ask that question. Am I in God’s will? Am I on his side? Am I doing the right thing? It is possible for me to go my own way and in doing so, encounter situations in which I am in over my head. Apart from me you can do nothing (John 15:5). If I go my own way, I can and will fail. If, however, I follow God, then even if the outcome isn’t what I think it should be, I cannot fail. I can do all things through him who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). This doesn’t mean that I can do whatever I want, sprinkle God’s name on it, and then expect worldly success. It means that the ultimate definition of success is abandoning my will for God’s. In doing so, I cannot fail in his eyes.