Surrendering My Need to Be Right

And Moses cried to the LORD, “O God, please heal her—please.”  Numbers 12:13

In any interpersonal conflict, I want to defend myself and my point of view. I desire to prove the other person wrong, and I want to hear them admit that I’m right. I want to win. I know this isn’t healthy, so when I recognize that I’m doing it, I do try to let it go, giving the conflict to God. Even if I’m mature enough to give the conflict to God though, attempting to let go of my need to be right, I still kind of hope that God will smite the other person with some trial, causing them to recognize the error of their ways. If some misfortune does befall that other person, I’m tempted to gloat – That’s what you deserve. In doing so, I’m not really giving up the conflict or my need to be right. I’m simply trying to use God as my bully, beating up my adversary for me. In doing so, I reveal that I’m still self-centered, caring more about my need to be right than anything or anyone else.

Surrendering my need to be right. That’s the theme of today’s passage and it’s the behavior that Moses modeled in the story. In it, Moses’ siblings, Miriam and Aaron, instigated a coup, trying to topple him from his position of authority with the Israelites. God came to Moses’ defense and, in his anger, God struck Miriam with leprosy. Moses could have reveled in Miriam’s misfortune but instead, he prayed, asking God to heal Miriam. In the conflict, Moses could have defended himself but he didn’t. He simply left it up to God. When God struck Miriam, Moses could have gloated, but he didn’t. Rather, he cared more about Miriam than about his need to be right.

In any conflict, I can, if I insist, cling to my need to be right. This pathologic need to be right reveals how selfish and self-centered I still am. In needing to be right, I alienate myself from everyone around me. Being right, but having a contentious relationship with my wife, kids, and others, is a lonely, miserable place to be. So, if I desire healthy relationships with those around me, I must recognize when I’m feeling the need to prove myself right. Then, I must give the conflict to God, asking what he wants me to do with it. Usually he desires that I let it go, leaving the results up to him. In doing so, I free myself from the burden of my self-centeredness, choosing healthy relationships with God and with those around me.