Woe Is Me

I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness. Numbers 11:14-15

Here’s is a flaw that I’ve observed in my faith – My faith is inherently self-centered and dependent on how well I feel God treats me. I can observe a far-off natural disaster that kills thousands, but that disaster doesn’t shake my faith. I may ask why God allows such a thing to happen, but I still believe in God and my life goes on because a Tsunami on the other side of the world doesn’t affect me. When, however, my day is inconvenienced by some relatively minor trial, suddenly my faith in God is disturbed. That minor trial isn’t minor to me because I’m at the center of my own world. How could you allow this to happen God? Are you punishing me? Don’t you love me? Are you even there? The terrible calamity in Asia doesn’t shake my faith, but when I encounter some comparably minor life difficulty, suddenly I assume a woe is me attitude. Deep down, I’ve always held this belief that faith means I shouldn’t experience any trials, even while the rest of the world burns. This is absurd, but still, it’s where my mind goes when I’m struggling.

Woe is me. This is Moses’ tone in today’s passage. Moses was tasked by God to lead his people out of Egypt to the promised land, but this wasn’t always smooth sailing. In today’s story, the Israelites whined about their diet and once again longed to return to Egyptian slavery. The people complained to Moses, who in turn, complained to God – Why have you done this to me? Just kill me now. Moses, taking the trial very personally because it personally affected him, was more than a little dramatic. It’s almost laughable to imagine Moses’ big boy tantrum before God.

I’ve been there though – and for a lot less. I’m currently going through some tough things, which, in the grand scheme, are relatively minor trials. To me though, they’re all-consuming because they affect me and my family. In my discomfort, it’s OK to go to God asking why. Is this discipline? I must also recognize though, that not all hardships are punishments. Life inherently involves trials and not all of them are my fault. Still, in any difficulty, I must go to God, asking how he wants to use that trial. What do you want me to do here God? Not every trial is caused by me. I’m not that big of a deal. God though, does always use trials to shape me. So, daily, I must go to God, not with a Woe is me attitude, but rather, asking how he desires to use that trial to make me what he wants me to be.