That’s Just What Guys Do

You shall not do as they do in the land of Egypt, where you lived, and you shall not do as they do in the land of Canaan, to which I am bringing you. You shall not walk in their statutes. You shall follow my rules and keep my statutes and walk in them. I am the LORD your God. Leviticus 18:3-4

Addiction isn’t just about drugs and alcohol. Over the years, I’ve met many men whose marriages have been dramatically affected, and even ended, by their pornography addiction. They had no intention of hurting their wives, and most of them thought they could give up porn once they got married, but marriage doesn’t end an addiction. And so, they’ve struggled through marriage, enslaved to porn, unable and unwilling to do what it takes to cut it out of their lives. Despite knowing the painful consequences, and despite hating themselves for doing it, they repeatedly return to the behavior, inviting destruction into their marriage and hurting the one they’re supposed to love the most. It’s no less destructive than my drug addiction, and from the outside, it’s terribly painful to observe.

Over the years though, I’ve also met other men who simply don’t understand how a marriage could be injured by pornography. That’s just what guys do. Your wife just needs to understand that this is normal. It’s an age-old justification – If everyone is doing it, it can’t be wrong. It’s simply normal behavior. This is a seductive argument. If everyone else is doing it, and if there are wives who are OK with it, then I don’t need to change my behavior. I just need to change my (and my wife’s) attitude about it. If it’s normal, then suddenly, my addiction isn’t a problem anymore.

Today’s passage explains the problem with this argument. In it, God explained to the Israelites that sexual morality wasn’t decided by what was considered normal in the cultures around them. Rather, right and wrong was to be determined by God. A behavior was good or bad because God said so, not because popular culture said so.

It’s always tempting for us to normalize a self-destructive behavior because everyone else does it. As Christians though, everyone else isn’t our standard. Rather, God’s will is our standard and it is his will that we not bring another woman into our marriage, even if it’s only an illicit image or thought. That’s just what guys do, isn’t an excuse that God accepts, and neither should our spouses. If we want the marriage that God desires for us, then we must adhere to his standard, doing whatever it takes to cut out those things that would damage it.