Save Me from Myself
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people . . . to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness . . . Titus 2:11-14
I’m supposed to take one prescription medication daily, which honestly, I’m not very good at remembering. So, for the last year, I’ve put it by my toothbrush to remind me to take it every morning. Recently though, when I picked up a refill, I placed in in my backpack and forgot it there for a couple days. When I went to get something out of my backpack, I saw a bottle of pills in the same place where I once would have kept my opioid pain pills. For just one second, my brain was right back there as I reached for that bottle. Is that Vicodin? I hope it is.
This annoyed me, but I supposed it’s not to be unexpected. I spent years reaching into that same pocket (albeit in a different backpack) for my pills. I spent years developing those patterns in my brain. Though I don’t struggle with wanting drugs today, it’s possible that I could slip back into those old behavior patterns if I quit pursing my faith and recovery. My wife doesn’t like it when I talk like this, but those little reminders motivate me to continue working on my recovery every day. As long as I daily make a genuine attempt to point my life at God, he continues to save me from myself.
I’d like to be fixed once and for all. I have wished that following Christ meant all my flaws were erased. It would be better, in my estimation, if I was completely delivered from my addictive tendencies. I’m not made perfect in this life though, and I need Christ as much today as I did in 2014, when my life fell apart due to my addiction. As long as I live in this flesh, I will have struggles. It is precisely those ongoing struggles that keep me dependent on Christ. If I were made perfect today, I’d have no need for God tomorrow.
Has God saved me from myself, or do I continue to need saving? Yes – to both. He has saved me. I’ve found a blessed new life in Christ, abandoning the disaster of the old one. I’m daily thankful for this. I still have struggles though and I still require ongoing transformation. Daily, as I follow him, he continues to change me. As the backpack incident reminded me, I’m profoundly grateful for this transformation. Daily, God saves me from myself.