The Voices in My Head
. . . And take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God . . . Ephesians 6:17
Every day, I have a multitude of voices speaking into my head. I must look at my phone a hundred times a day. I sit in front of our TV for at least an hour, maybe more during football season. I have the radio on constantly as I drive. I do listen to Christian music sometimes, but often, the only overtly Christian message I’m exposed to in my week is the half-hour sermon in church on Sunday. Whether I admit it or not, all those other voices influence my thoughts, words, and actions and it’s got to be difficult for God to compete with those secular messages when I give them so much time and him so little.
My drug addiction was an extreme example of this lopsided influence on my life. In my addiction, I put drugs in my brain, which had a predictably disastrous effect. In following such a selfish, destructive path I just couldn’t look at God and so, I abandoned him. In recovery now, I’ve had to retrain my brain. This isn’t just about my drug use. This is about pointing my entire life in a different direction. I’ve had to admit that my way is a disaster and that I must follow something radically different. For me, that thing is God. If I follow him, he will never lead me back to addiction and self-destruction.
While I was in treatment almost eight years ago, I went to God, telling him I’d do whatever it took to turn my life around. He asked that I make a genuine effort to abandon myself to follow him every day. For me, this means getting up early every day to read, pray, and meditate. If I want God to change my life, I must put him into my mind every day. This isn’t a passive process. It’s something I must purposefully do, otherwise, by default, I will ingest only what the world has to offer. If I want God’s influence in my life, I must daily read his word.
That’s where this blog came from. Daily, I read, pray, meditate, and then, I write, which helps me process my thoughts. In 2016, I started sharing my daily writing here in the blog. The idea is that perhaps my story can help others choose to daily pick up the word of God as well. Our struggles are not the same, but we all struggle, and we all need God’s voice in our lives. If we desire to point our lives at him, finding the life for which he created us, then daily, we must fill ourselves with his word.