Born to Lose
“He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me” . . . Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, Rabbi?” He said to him, “You have said so.” Matthew 26:23-25
I once met a man who was convinced that it was his mission to bring the word of God to drug dealers, but to do so, he had to buy and use their heroin. He truly believed that it was God’s will that he be a heroin addict. He was an addict for God.
It sounds ludicrous, but I’ve come close to the same insanity. In my addiction, I spent many sleepless nights crying out to God to change me. I refused to do what he asked of me though – treatment and confession – and so I remained in my addiction. I then had the audacity to blame God. You made me this way. You must want me to remain an addict. I’m just going to keep using.
This is a trap of twisted of logic that many of us have fallen into. Whether it’s childhood trauma, bad parenting, some illness, a genetic predisposition, or difficult life circumstances, when we fail, we tend to blame fate. This isn’t my fault. I was dealt a terrible hand. I’m born to lose.
I think Judas must have felt this way. When Jesus predicted that Judas was the betrayer, he had to feel a sense of powerlessness over his destiny. I imagine that Judas used the prediction to blame Jesus. You said it would happen. You made it happen. Jesus, in his response though, revealed who made the choice. “You have said so.”
We all have this choice daily, to do what’s right or to follow our own destructive path. We’re all dealt different hands in life and we all have different challenges. Some have it harder than others. Looking back at our wounds though, is only helpful in as much as it helps us to understand our destructive choices and to help us make better ones. Looking back as an excuse isn’t helpful.
Daily, God says, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil (Deuteronomy 30:15). If we want to know faith, life, and recovery, then daily, we must make the choice to turn from our path to follow God’s. We can’t change the past, but we are the only ones responsible for today’s choices.