Living in Fear

Have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. Matthew 10:26

While living in my addiction, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I just craved the drug more than I wanted sobriety. Unfortunately, I followed my appetite. Part of me desperately wanted recovery, so I asked God to change how I felt. My plan was that he would change my appetite and then my behavior would follow. This never happened. As long as my behavior followed my hunger, I was ruled by my self-destructive feelings.

Fortunately, today, I don’t struggle with an overpowering appetite for pills. What changed? How did I get to this point? For me, I had to change my behavior if I wanted my feelings and appetite to be transformed. If I was going to live in recovery, I couldn’t wait for my desire to be gone. I had to start behaving like a sober person. Action came first, then my feelings followed.

It’s similar with fear, which Jesus addressed in today’s passage. In the story, Jesus warned his followers that the world would oppose and persecute them for their radical faith. He knew this would invoke fear in his disciples, so he instructed them to act boldly. Proclaim it on the housetops!

Jesus gave his disciples the gift of perspective. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell (Matthew 10:28). He revealed to them the greater reality, and he told them to act as though they believed it. They were to obey whether they felt like it or not. They couldn’t allow themselves to be ruled by their impulsive emotions. In behaving rightly, they ruled their feelings, and in doing so, they conquered their fear, transforming it.

So often, we live as I did in my addiction, as slaves to our emotions, feelings, and desires. We wait to feel like doing right before we change our behavior. We have it backwards though. If we want to change our appetites and feelings, we need to behave rightly first, acting in faith. It is often only in our obedience that God reveals his miraculous transforming power.