Stupid Stuff Christians Say
He will deliver you from six troubles; in seven no evil shall touch you. Job 5:18
We’ve all been there. A friend goes through something terrible and in our desire to comfort – and to say something spiritual – we offer up ill-conceived advice. We don’t mean to be insensitive, but we compound misery by suggesting that we know God’s will. We don’t – because we are not God – but that does not stop us from talking.
Job experienced this. In the cosmic contest between God and Satan, God allowed Satan to inflict immense suffering upon Job. The reason behind the suffering was never revealed to Job, his wife, nor his friends, but this did not stop them from giving Job advice.
Job’s wife insisted that God had abandoned him. Curse God and die (Job 2:9). Herself a victim of collateral damage, she became bitter at God and wanted Job to join in her resentment.
Job’s friend, Eliphaz, told him that his suffering was his fault. Those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same (Job 4:8). He went on to tell Job that God would fix it all. He will deliver you (Job 5:18). Ignoring the facts – Jobs children were dead – Eliphaz tried to comfort Job by telling him it was all going to be OK, something he couldn’t possibly know.
Then, there was Job’s friend Zophar, who reminded Job that it could be much worse. God exacts of you less than your guilt deserves (Job 11:6). You probably deserve more suffering.
We long to help, but we don’t know what to say in painful situations. We don’t understand why, so we try to spiritualize and we claim to know God’s purpose. As the story of Job reveals though, we are often profoundly ignorant.
Personally, I have found that in my ignorance and desire to help, it is best just to be humble and honest. I don’t know what to say. I want to say something, because I love you and I see you’re in pain. I want to help, but I don’t know how. If you want, please tell me what you’re going through and tell me what I can do for you.
Compassion does not require us to have all the answers. In the midst of suffering, we do not need to spiritualize or give advice, we just need to do what we can to communicate our love.
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Great thoughts Scott re: what to say to grieving people – most of the time I hug them and whisper in their ear that “you are loved” !!
Rob
Good words. Thanks Rob!
Often times not (trying to) have the answer is the best answer of them all. Like you said, we are not required to have the answers, nor will we, but we are called to love another and in that love mourn with one another – but nowhere does it say to share “answers” with one another, that is up to Him. Through our pain and suffering growth occurs and we don’t want to be responsible to instead cause others resentment or anger towards God by trying to “help” with explanations and why’s that we don’t even understand ourselves.
“And God help me if I think I’m going to make things better by thinking up a clever Christian saying to add to all the dialogue. God certainly doesn’t need people like me — with limited perspectives, limited understanding and limited depth — trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense.”
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2018/07/19/please-dont-give-me-a-christian-answer
I’m not sure why it’s more difficult to say “I don’t understand, but I love you” than it is to say “God has a plan for you in this”. Maybe it’s our own desire to be wise or super-spiritual instead of kind and loving.
Thanks for the good words Sarah!