My Depression

Genesis 19:26 Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

Several years ago, I sat in my doctor’s office, in tears, telling him of my depression. I blamed my demanding job, my insomnia and the time of year. Depression was not my problem though, addiction was. I was miserable because I was abusing prescription pain medications. I did not tell him that though. I allowed the misdiagnosis as I just wanted another pill.

I’m hesitant to write this blog, as I don’t want anyone to hear me say that depression is caused by our own behavior. I do absolutely wish though, to be honest enough to draw a line between our destructive behavior and the misery it causes us.

We often look at Old Testament stories like Sodom and Gomorrah and think, That was just the angry God of ye olden days. Lot’s wife was killed for disobeying God because she lived before Christ. God no longer allows consequences, right?

Put in that language, it sounds silly, but we often think this way. I live under grace. God no longer rewards or punishes me based on my behavior. This may be true in the eternal sense, but to suggest that God does not allow us to cause ourselves tremendous misery is ridiculous.

My mind simply was not made to claim belief in one thing only to pursue another. If I say God is the most important thing in my life but I continually indulge in anger, lust, destructive appetites, and all-things-me, then I should not be surprised when I find myself in a state of constant anxiety and agitation.

We were made to know life, joy and peace in God and when we purposefully turn from Him, we surrender those things. Again, I am not suggesting that all of our trials and illnesses are our fault. I am just insisting that we be honest enough to draw the line between our destructive behavior and the misery we cause ourselves.