The Angriest Man My Wife Knows

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman… so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Last week, as I went to shower, I realized my shampoo was missing. For some reason, I was sure that my wife had moved it while cleaning and I was not happy about it. I asked her where it was and she had no idea. She had not moved it (so she said). I knew that it had to be her. I realize how stupid this sounds now, but I was angry. She carelessly moved it and forgot and now I have no idea where it is and I am going to have to use Pantene and smell like a girl. Then, she gently reminded me that I had used the guest shower the previous day and perhaps I had left my shampoo in there. Sigh. She is right. I’m a jerk.

How is it that I can be infinitely patient and kind at work but then come home and be the hardest on the one I love the most? Peter says it ought not to be this way. I should not be the angriest, most difficult man my wife knows. I am to treasure and honor her. Instead, she gets the brunt of my frustrations in life, as she is the one with whom I am the most familiar. In my familiarity, I feel the most free to let loose the defects of my flesh nature upon her.

Peter says that how we act at home matters. I expect that he knew men who acted one way in church and then another way at home. I expect you have seen this too. Many great men, I think, have been monsters at home. It is as if we can keep it under control in public, but when we get home, we release our all our defects and frustrations. Then, the ones we love the most, suffer the most.

Peter says that this behavior is spiritually destructive, actually hindering my prayers to God. As in the rest of life, if I indulge in my flesh nature, I sow seeds of destruction and I reap the consequences. In this case, how I treat my wife affects my relationship with God and affects how He hears my prayers. My anger is of course, also very destructive in my relationship with my wife.

I find that when I am frustrated and angry, it is almost always because I have turned my gaze to self. It is hard for me to be angry about life or shampoo when my eyes are focused on God. It is in abandoning my own defects and keeping my eyes on God that I treat my wife the way I should.  If I want to be the most loving person she knows, I need to act accordingly.