Hiding from God?
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Hebrews 4:12,13
I can identify with Adam and Eve, hiding from God in the garden after the forbidden fruit incident. No one likes to stand exposed in the light of God’s scrutiny while in rebellion. Any chance at self-deception withers before his piercing gaze. Like children however, we blind our own eyes, hoping that God cannot see us.
Self-deception is the trick we use to justify the deeds of our flesh. I deserve this… It’s not that big of deal… I have a disease so I can’t help it… God made me this way… If my job wasn’t so stressful… If my spouse was only… We can talk ourselves into just about anything if left to our own devices, but when we truly look to God, the self-deception melts away and we see our lies in the light. This is of course miserable at first, but it is a necessary step to getting better. Admission of defect does not get rid of defect, but if we ever want to deal with a problem, it has to be exposed in the light first.
The temptation when discussing defect is to concentrate on the defects of everyone around me. I should be sensitive to the needs around me, but the preoccupation with the failures of others, at the expense of dealing with my own flesh nature, is a defect in itself.
The challenge then, every day, is to look to God and stand in the light of his gaze. While admitting defect is painful, God’s demeanor turns to grace, love and forgiveness when I truly turn to him. The turning from self is miserable at first, but the embrace of God brings healing to that pain. His gaze may pierce me but his love and grace wraps me in comforting rest when I leave self and turn to him.