Ready to Die

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” 1 Kings 19:4

As you can imagine, being incarcerated is an incredibly stressful event for most people. Frequently coupled with a substance use disorder and mental illness, the stress of being arrested often drives emotionally vulnerable inmates to intense hopelessness and despair. In this condition, many of those in jail have at least considered death. They may be actively suicidal, or they may just wish that God would kill them, but they’re sick of life and they see no possibility that it’s ever going to get better. Working in correctional medicine, I frequently encounter those at this level of despair. It’s my job to assess their risk for self-harm and direct treatment for their condition. Treatment starts with making sure they’re safe and proceeds to counseling, mental health medications, and withdrawal management. Basically, we keep the inmate alive, meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs, hopefully showing them that life can and will get better.

Hopelessness and despair are realities which many of us have known. I was never incarcerated, but I was once at the point where my marriage, job, and career appeared to be over. I’d destroyed everything good in my life, and it looked like nothing would ever be OK again. In that anguish, I wasn’t actively suicidal, but I did ask God to take my life. I just couldn’t see much point in living. Life did of course, get better. But in that place of utter despair, it was hard to see it.

So, I appreciate that the Bible includes today’s story of Elijah at his lowest. In the passage, Elijah had just come off a great victory over the prophets of Baal, when Queen Jezebel threatened him with imminent death. Fearing for his life, Elijah fled into the wilderness. Though he’d just defeated the prophets of Baal, he still felt like an utter failure and saw no hope for his future. So, he lay down and asked God to take his life. God didn’t take his life, but rather, God met his needs, feeding and comforting him. God didn’t chastise Elijah for his feelings of hopelessness. He simply met him where he was, ministered to his needs, and talked with him in a still, small voice. And eventually Elijah found purpose and a hope for the future.

Despair is an unfortunate reality for many around us. When we meet those in this condition, we should remember Elijah. “Cheer up”, isn’t helpful. It is helpful though to meet that individual’s needs – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s helpful to be there, simply talking with him or her. Life can get better, but it’s hard to see it when in a place of hopelessness. So, it’s sometimes our job to show that person they’re not alone and that someone cares.