When Family is the Problem

He also removed Maacah his mother from being queen mother because she had made an abominable image for Asherah. I Kings 15:13

Honestly, my wife would probably do better at writing today’s blog, which addresses the family member who is making the family sick, either by using drugs themselves or by enabling others to do likewise. My only personal experience in this situation came from when I was the problem. Wisely, she didn’t tolerate my drug use. When my addiction came to light, she made her position quite clear. She was not going to remain married to me, and she was not going to raise kids around me, while I was using drugs. I had a decision to make. I could choose one life or the other and I could not have both. If I was going to continue to use drugs, she would cut me out of her life and out of the life of my kids. She was a model of appropriate boundaries and a model of a mother who was willing to do whatever it took to protect those for whom she was responsible.

Sometimes, when family is the problem, we must cut that family out of our lives. That’s the lesson of today’s passage, which tells of King Asa’s reforms. King Abijam, Asa’s father, worshipped idols, leading his people astray from God. Now that Asa was king however, he was determined to follow God, and encouraged his people to do likewise. Asa didn’t tolerate idol worship and so, when it came to his grandmother, there was no special provision for her because she was family. She wandered from God and encouraged Asa’s people to do likewise and so, she had to be removed from her position of authority. This had to be painful, but it also had to be done.

This isn’t easy. Simply cutting people out of our lives is terribly disruptive and often completely impractical. The closer the relationship, the harder it becomes. I often remind the one who is addicted though, of how far he or she may have to go to get sober. Radical change requires radical change. So, I also remind the one who is made sick by the addicted family member that he or she may also have to commit to painful and drastic change if he or she wants to be free from the destruction of the loved one who is addicted.