Bad Parents

When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry. 2 Samuel 13:21

A few years ago, on a flight with my family, we observed as a few young children ran up and down the aisle screaming and raising a ruckus. The flight attendant had to intervene, instructing the parents to act like parents. The children were loud and annoying, but it was, of course, the parents who acted badly. Those kids were just being kids. With no boundaries, they ran amok because that’s what kids do. The parents though, completely abdicated their responsibility as parents, refusing to set any limits to their children’s behavior. From my perspective, this was a form of neglect. I’m sure those parents would have said they loved their children, but truly loving parents impose boundaries on their children’s behavior, and to fail to do so is to act unlovingly.

This is what happened in today’s passage, which continues to tell of the aftermath of Amnon’s (King David’s son) rape of his half-sister, Tamar. As word of the sexual assault spread to King David’s ears, he was angered, but he did absolutely nothing about it. As firstborn son and heir-apparent to the throne, David loved Amnon and simply couldn’t bring himself to impose any discipline upon him. That’s not truly loving behavior though, as David’s inaction taught Amnon that he could do whatever he wanted with no consequences. Meanwhile, Tamar learned that her own father wouldn’t protect her from sexual predators and that she had the most to fear from those who were supposed to love her the most.

For those of us with children, the lesson is that loving them means we must provide some discipline. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24). To fail to provide boundaries for our kids is to fail to love them. The lesson for all of us, is that God loves us and that as his children, we should expect to regularly receive discipline.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves (Hebrews 12:6). We may not like to think of God as a disciplinarian, but when we encounter life’s trials, James (brother of Jesus) insisted that we take all trials as opportunities for God to shape us (James 1:2-4).

When we go through hard times, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re being punished or that the trial is our fault. Trials though, are an opportunity for God to shape and grow us. God loves us as his children and so, we shouldn’t be surprised that he provides discipline, just like any parent who truly loves his or her child.