Thinking with Testosterone

Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. 2 Samuel 13:15

In my drug use, my craving for opioids assumed control of my mind, becoming my only motivation. Everything else was secondary and I’d sacrifice anything to satisfy that hunger. Then, when I’d gotten my pills and temporarily satiated my appetite, I’d begin to see reality a little more clearly. The shame over what I’d done would set in as my toxic behavior dawned on me. Before, when all I could think of was the next high, I didn’t consider the ramifications of what I was doing. Then, afterwards, I’d realize that I’d just risked my medical license, career, and family for that one bottle of pills. In that moment, I’d hate the drug, and I’d hate myself for needing it.

Something very similar happens with men and sex. I can’t speak for women’s experience, but I can tell you that men’s drive for sex can be all powerful, clouding the minds and judgment of those who are under the influence of their testosterone.

This principle is illustrated in today’s passage in which we read of one of King David’s sons, Amnon, who lusted after his half-sister, Tamar. In the story, Amnon was so tormented (with lust) that he made himself ill (2 Samuel 13:2). He didn’t love her though. He just wanted sex. So, through treachery, he arranged for them to be alone, and then he violated her. Afterwards, with his mind momentarily unclouded by lust, he began to think with his brain again, seeing clearly what he’d done. I assume he hated himself but simply didn’t have the emotional capacity to process that, so, he turned his hatred on Tamar. A few minutes prior, he burned with desire for her. Once he got what he wanted and could clearly see his sin, he despised her because he despised himself.

I’ve often thought that, if it weren’t such a universal experience, lust would be considered a mental illness, along the lines of drug addiction. When under lust’s influence, men will do the stupidest things – things they would never normally do otherwise, and things for which they’ll later hate themselves. Lust, however, is no excuse. We are responsible for ourselves, and we are responsible to manage our own appetites. If we regularly surrender to our desires, we’ll become enslaved to them. I’m not suggesting that all our desires are evil. Sex within marriage was created by and is endorsed by God. I’m simply saying that when we let our desires make our choices, we’ll come to hate ourselves and we’ll hate the thing we once desired, even as we destroy ourselves with it.