Parenting and Discipline

I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son. When he commits iniquity, I will discipline him with the rod of men, with the stripes of the sons of men, but my steadfast love will not depart from him . . . 2 Samuel 7:14-15

In medicine, I’m not supposed to be paternalistic, which means that as a provider, I’m not supposed to limit a patient’s freedom against their will, even when it’s for their own good. I’m not Dr. Dad and the patients aren’t my children. Still, in addiction medicine at least, there are a lot of days when I must say no. It’s not uncommon for a patient to believe he (or she) knows what prescription would be best, when I know from the available evidence that this prescription would be harmful. For instance, If I know that an opioid prescription for a headache would be inappropriate in a patient with an opioid use disorder, then even if the patient really, really wants it, it’s my job to say no. The patient often feels that I’m unfairly limiting their freedom, but it would be unethical of me to prescribe something that I knew would harm the patient. So, sometimes I must be the dad, establishing boundaries. To fail to do so would be to fail to care about the patient.

This parent-child relationship, which is described in today’s passage, is one of the most practical ways I can begin to understand God and my relationship with him. As a child, I often found my parent’s discipline to be unjust. It seemed they were continually and unfairly limiting my freedom. As a parent myself now though, I can see that my parent’s discipline was born out of their love for me. As I have loved my own children, I’ve had to discipline them. To fail to discipline would be to fail to love. Today’s passage teaches that God seeks the same relationship with his children. He loves us. He knows what’s best for us. And sometimes that means he must establish boundaries, say no, and even discipline us.

We chafe at this because no one likes being the unruly child who must be disciplined. As God’s children, we will often find his boundaries to be annoying, inconvenient, and unfair. However, if we’re willing to humbly assume our place as God’s children, we can begin to see not just all God’s rules, but rather we can also begin to see his tremendous love for us. Yes, God establishes boundaries. No, we don’t like it. But thank goodness we have a God who loves us enough to do what’s best for us, even when we can’t see it.